I love British news. I check BBC News regularly, and it’s more often than not that they highlight a story that just makes my day.

We’ve all heard the stories about Welshmen (and New Zealanders, for that matter) and their sheep, as well as Catholic priests and their little children, but one little occurrence that goes overlooked is perhaps the most bizarre: blue-collar men and their inanimate objects.

We travel now to Wiltshire, UK, where a man has just been arrested for - get this - having sex with a lamp post. The 32-year-old was, for all intents and purposes, humping a lamp post outside of an apartment complex where a number of young women lived.

Oh, but that’s not all. Last week a Polish man was found allegedly having sexual relations with a vacuum cleaner. Despite claiming that he was merely “cleaning his underpants … common practice in Poland,” he was quickly fired from his job. Poor Henry never saw it coming. The ironic part is, I had a Henry in each of my flats at university. And, no, I never “cleaned my underwear” with him.

Both of these come at the tail end of two other stories involving men and, well, non-humans. Back in 2007, a 51-year-old got drunk, did naughty things to his bicycle, and was sentenced to a three-year probation. He was recently listed on a sex offenders registry for “sexual breach of the peace.” And around the same time, a 24-year-old drunk guy broke into Leicester Square Gardens and got up to some hanky panky with a fence.

But I guess it’s not fair to just pick on the strange characters of Great Britain.

An Indian man, erm, in India, was so convinced that he had been cursed after stoning to death two dogs that he did the obvious: he married one. The wedding, which was attended by 200 people, was a huge success, I’ve heard, except for the minor incident of having a runaway bride, though of course they found her again and shortly thereafter consummated the marriage … by feeding the dog a bun and some milk.