… because you know what they say is the “worst” actually tastes the best.

Never mind that. Men’s Health, the men’s magazine dedicated to health, fitness, sex, relationships, and so on (think Cosmo for your dad) has a section every month called “Eat This, Not That.” This month, they’ve targeted the 20 worst-for-you foods this great land has to offer. I’m inclined to say that none of the items surprise me: Chipotle’s burritos, for example, though f’ing amazing, weigh about ninety-three pounds. P.F. Chang’s chicken lo mein is to die for (and maybe you will after eating it, of sudden heart failure), but were you to leave it on a paper plate for longer than three seconds, the plate would undoubtedly be translucent from the grease.

But it was number one that made me smile: Outback Steakhouse’s Aussie cheese fries with ranch dressing. Mmm. 2900 calories of yummy goodness. The description reads, “This weapon of mass construction is the caloric equivalent of eating 14 Krispy Kreme doughnuts, before your dinner arrives. Even if you split this ’starter’ with 3 friends, you’ll have downed a meal’s worth of calories.” Meg, darling, you’re a terrible influence.