Have you ever been on a flight and thought to yourself, “Man, I’d be much more comfortable if I were naked”?

Well, brace yourself, because if you happen to be near the German town of Erfurt on July 5, you may just have the opportunity.  A travel agent there is currently planning a nudist day trip to a Baltic Sea destination, during which travelers can actually disrobe on the plane should they so desire (and it’s a nudist day trip - no time for modesty if you’re traveling at 30,000 feet).

All I can say is, I hope they turn the temperature up.  Planes tend to be a bit on the cold side, and that would be unfortunate for many of the male passengers.

Those crazy Germans.

Once you reach a certain age, you know what you want and you aren’t afraid let people know about it.

For 80-year-old Iowa resident Mary Wohlford, she’s decided to spell it out for everyone. In February, she got a tattoo on her chest that reads “DO NOT RESUSCITATE.” And while some doctors and lawyers in the state question the binding nature of such a request, Wohlford stands firm behind her decision, stating, “Sometimes the nuttiest ideas are the most advanced.”

* * *

A funeral is all the more poignant when it has a ‘personal’ touch to it, something that reminds loved ones of the dearly departed and brings back fond memories. Set to the tune of such popular sad songs as “I Will Always Love You” and “Candle in the Wind,” funerals aren’t exactly ripe with humor. But a 2002 survey of British funeral directors took a different approach: what were the ten most-requested odd songs at funerals? I wouldn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or get down with my bad self.

1. The Platters - “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes”
2. Queen - “Another One Bites the Dust”
3. Theme from ITN’s Ten O’Clock News
4. Various Artists - “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain”
5. Wham - “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
6. The Village People - “YMCA”
7. The Jungle Book Soundtrack - “I Wanna Be Like You”
8. Flanagan and Allen - “Run Rabbit Run”
9. The Prodigy - “Firestarter”
10. Russ Abbot - “Atmosphere”

A couple of years ago, I heard about an experiment based on fragrances and their effects on men and women. The only scent I can remember from this was ‘BBQ Beef,’ an aroma expected to appeal to men, but which - unsurprisingly - turned off both sexes. (Who wants to smell like a steakhouse, anyway?) Now, a British group has decided to release a fragrance (or ‘fwagwance,’ as both my girlfriend and Canadian Kate tend to say it, not because they’re mentally challenged in any way, but because, damn, those r’s can be a bitch sometimes) that is unique and yet extremely unlikely: stilton. Yes, I am talking about that awful-smelling cheese, although apparently those involved in the perfume’s creation disagree with me. Says one spokesman, “Blue Stilton cheese has a very distinctive mellow aroma and our perfumier was able to capture the key essence of that scent and recreate it in an unusual but highly wearable perfume.” The company is speaking the host of ITV’s show “Stars in Their Eyes,” Cat Deeley, about becoming the face of the fragrance.

Want some of this? Try www.stiltoncheese.com.

And just for the record, stilton is made from whole cow’s milk, and is left to ‘ripen’ (read: rot) for ten to fifteen weeks. Mmm, tasty.

Those funny Brits.

Oh, FEMA, FEMA, FEMA … you’re like the Cleveland Spiders of the government. [Writer's note: this baseball team finished the 1899 season with a record of 20-134, arguably the worst record ever for a professional team. Just a little baseball trivia for you there ... ooh, the random knowledge I keep in my head!] A federal audit has found potentially $1 billion in fraud due to the post-Katrina handout of $1000 cards to hurricane victims, largely due in part to people providing inaccurate, misleading, or incomplete information to the agency, sometimes multiple times. Where did all the money go? So far, all signs point to divorce lawyers, sex change operations, strip clubs, champagne, Hawaiian hotel rooms, and even a vacation to the Dominican Republic. Well, hey, as long as the victims didn’t suffer too much …

***

The Welsh have done it again. In an effort to create a ringtone that would repel young people, a firm has created what they say will be “bigger than the Crazy Frog” ringtone of a couple years ago. The trick? Only young people can hear it. Dubbed “Mosquitotone,” it is indetectable by anyone older than 25. Those poor school administrators. As if they didn’t have enough problems with neds.

***

A Nebraska man held on charges of sexually assault of a child was convicted of the crime, but doesn’t have to go to jail. Why not? He’s too short, sayeth the judge, claiming that undoubtedly the man would be unable to survive in prison. Instead, the 5′1″ pervert was given ten years’ probation, and made to promise that he would throw out his collection of porn. Now there’s justice for you. God bless America!

I swear, the Firm seems to be a black hole for FAs and FA wannabes! From the looks of it, there are only three of us trainees left. Chris has been missing for the past two days, after a few weeks of closed-door conferences with Big Boss Man, and as of last Friday he had not yet registered for the exam. Both Ranjith and I are taking this - the fact that we’re the only two people taking the exam on Friday - as even more incentive to kick ass on the test and beat the appalling failure rate of the past. And as my own personal challenge, I’m aiming to kick Ranjith’s ass; I’m all about the battle of the sexes. Word.

A Japanese acoustics expert has determined what Leonardo Da Vinci and Mona Lisa would have sounded like, thanks to the apparent true-to-life facial structures on Da Vinci’s self-portrait and the famous painting. Check out the CNN article, or go listen to them yourself. Kinda trippy, but I love this sort of thing.

Subway Guy is going to pray for me to pass my exam, and he gave me half-price on my sandwich.

It’s the little things.